My world came into a long pause when
somebody whom I used to adore, or should I say, love, struck me with an
unexpected pain. It had been like chaos since I felt that ugly and unbelievable
experience. I never expected that to happen because of the smooth flow of our
relationship. Everything fell apart. Everything does not seem to be at their
right places. I do not understand even just a tiny thing that happened. The
world revolved and I am left slowly turning. It was a disaster!!
I have learned now that I cannot
have everything that I want (I know, I am too late to realize that.). All we
really get are the things that we deserve but why? Why did it happen to me?
What did I do wrong? I have not been into serious relationships for years now.
I was really happy the moment I felt in love again with somebody; with somebody
whom I became comfortable with since day one. Do I really deserve this? That
was my question every day. Hmm. Maybe.
Maybe I did something wrong before and now this is my ‘karma.’ I have learned
to accept and adapt.
I lived with two little prayers for
myself. Thank God these prayers helped me!
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13
“Oh God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change; Courage to change the things that I can; and wisdom to know the
difference.”
I cannot change anything about what
happened. But I am sure I can still change my outlook on life and my point of
view on love matters. Impossible is nothing. I have faith and my hopes are
still high. I can do it!
Now I, proud to say, am open to
knowing other people. I am again open to the fact of dating and going out with
other guys. I feel alive again. I feel free! After what happened to me, I am
starting to go on with it and deal with more struggles. Some people hate me and
would want to see me miserable. I am not born to please them. I am born to
please myself. I would not allow them to see my weakness and hurt me. I would
not definitely allow them enjoy seeing my misery. I am stronger now. More
people around my life love me like my family and friends. They are always there
to stand by me at my worst. And for the record, I got to meet new people along
the way and it is fun! My circle of friends widened and my box of memories
become surprisingly full. Meeting new people gives me more connections and more
experiences to cherish.
Just recently, I met new friends.
They are good. They are honest. They are not judgmental. I think that is just
normal for newly-met people; to treat each other right. We are still on the
get-to-know-each-other step and stuff. But my instincts tell me that they are
people with pure hearts. They are very down-to-earth and sweet. I get along
well with them since the day that we met! That’s pretty awesome, right?
Among them, one definitely stands
out. But meeting him is way more complicated than the rest. Being close to him
is difficult because of some sort of ‘situation’. Why does he have to be
complicated? Why can’t we just let everything happen like no one would get
affected by it in the future? Well, as of now I really do not know why. What I
know is I enjoy his company, his sense of humour, and his sweetness. He is
wonderful. He is nice and I like how he treats me. I feel good again. He is a
helping hand. However, I know where I stand. So if I need to loosen my grip, it
would be easy. For now, I am making the most out of what we have. I am enjoying
everything. I hope he does too.
And you, my man, THANK YOU!! You are
an inspiration!
